Warning: This might seem like common sense to most people, but all of the below are all inspired by real life occurrences that have prompted us to write a post to educate the… masses. Read only if you genuinely have no idea how to act in a villa… or if you just want to have a laugh at #stupidthingspeopledo.
#1 Have enough cash/credit limit/money to live
If you’re lucky, they’ll let you do the dishes. If not, it’s jailtime!
We are the last people to judge, but who ends off their holiday with no cash with all of their credit cards maxed out?
Normally, villas get you to pay a deposit so you can’t run away in the night after having a 14-course lobster dinner, but in cases that they don’t, do bring along sufficient cash, OR credit, preferably both.
Unless you’re staying at a quaint little cottage in Tuscany with the nearest credit card terminal in the next town, please bring cash or make like the sheep and start grazing on that grass because, no food for you!
#2 Leash your kids
Fine parenting at its best.
We love children as much as the next person, but it’s difficult to squeeze out a smile when they’re in our yard, running, screaming, crying and pooping (true story). Make sure that they (and their noises) stay within your compound. Remember, you signed up for that kind of personal hell, not us.
#3 This is MY room
“Last one in sleeps in the loo!”
Groups of travelling singles, this one’s for you. Regularly, the mom with 3 kids gets the biggest bedroom, duh, but when you’re all equally placed with needs, who gets the biggest room? Before cat fights and dice-rolling ensue, it’s good etiquette (read: also common sense) to let the person who planned it (or spent the most time putting stuff together) to let them have first dibs.
#4 No humping
Even Miley gets flak for humping.
In the pool, in a shared bedroom with us on the other side frozen in our beds, in the living room, in the jacuzzi or on the dining table DURING dinner (true story). Maybe you didn’t get the memo, but this isn’t an orgy; Kutemajriv Sex Festival is thataway.
#5 Birthday suit!
Only the Mother of Dragons gets the nude privilege.
Unless it’s okay with the villa and your housemates. Make sure you explicitly ask as well, don’t just hint at how good the pool looks. Use these words: Are you guys okay with me going nude? Because we don’t want a full frontal of your dangly bits.
#6 Don’t thrash the…
Don’t think housekeeping will be able to take care of that…
House. It’s cool if you’re planning the biggest shindig since Kimye’s wedding, but make sure you and your villa mates know that thrashing the property will incur you your security deposit.. and more. Other things that will incur your deposit: people making off with the kitchen sink, television, etc.
Remember, the place may not be yours, but they do have your credit card number… and they know where you live.
#7 Treat the staff with respect
“Welcome. Your fate now rests in our hands.”
This goes without saying even when you’re not on vacay, but keep in mind that they are people too! People who handle your food… and have the power to influence every part of your stay. Who’s the boss now?